Archive for February, 2009
Dumb Koans
Monk: Master, how many asshats does it take to explode a turducken?
Master: What the hell is a “turducken?”
And the monk was immediately enlightened.
Monk: Master, if an anthropomorphic panda and an anthropomorphic gazelle have offspring, would they be anthropomorphic pandas, anthropomorphic gazelles, or some horrible mixture of the two?
Master: You’ve never been on a date, have you?
And the monk was immediately enlightened.
Monk: Master, in the scene in Tranformers where the boy and the girl are making out on the hood of the robotic Camaro, is that a ménage à trois?
Master: Of course it is. Idiot.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.
Monk: Master, in the Parable of the Burning House in the Lotus Sutra, do the three carts represent early teachings of Buddhism?
Master: They represent the three ways I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t finish cleaning the toilet by the north gate. It’s disgusting in there. I can’t even go in.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.
