brainflak.com

My friends and I occasionally engage in a form of madness known as Penkwe. The name “penkwe” is the reconstructed proto-Indo-European root word meaning “five.” This name refers to the extreme fiveness of the practice, in ways that will become apparent below.

I cannot tell you where this…let’s call it a “game”…comes from. It came to me from a dear friend of a dear friend, but if you can enlighten as to the origin or history of this particular form, please let me know.

But I can tell you what it is, at least as we play it. In the game of Penkwe, five people write five things each, using each time a given list of five words. The written pieces can be any piece of creative writing, either poetry or prose. Each can be a novella, a sonnet, a limerick, a haiku (if you happened to get five rather short words, a recipie, a catalog entry, a travel brochure, a short story, a eulogy, or indeed any of 308,358,830 other genres and forms.

Read more

Boo: Put out your hands like this.
Daddy: Like this?
Boo: Yes. Now play this.
Boo: [chanting and slapping hands semi-rhythmically]
Lemonade.
Crunchy ice.
Beat it once.
Beat it twice.
Turn around.
Touch the ground.
Kick your boyfriend out of town.

[a pause as she stares at me intently]

I win. Now let’s play cards.

Monk: Master, how many asshats does it take to explode a turducken?
Master: What the hell is a “turducken?”
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, if an anthropomorphic panda and an anthropomorphic gazelle have offspring, would they be anthropomorphic pandas, anthropomorphic gazelles, or some horrible mixture of the two?
Master: You’ve never been on a date, have you?
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, in the scene in Tranformers where the boy and the girl are making out on the hood of the robotic Camaro, is that a ménage à trois?
Master: Of course it is. Idiot.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Monk: Master, in the Parable of the Burning House in the Lotus Sutra, do the three carts represent early teachings of Buddhism?
Master: They represent the three ways I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t finish cleaning the toilet by the north gate. It’s disgusting in there. I can’t even go in.
And the monk was immediately enlightened.

Put on your cute-protective goggles, take whatever patent medicines you use to protect against cuteorphin overdose, and view Boo:

This morning, over the “baby” monitor, I could hear the girls having quite a discussion:
Boo: I dreamed I was playing with the baby.
Panda: What baby?
Boo: I don’t know.
Panda: What BABY?
Boo: I don’t KNOW!
Panda: But WHAT baby?
Boo: I DON’T know!
Read more

Yesterday I got to play the greatest game of hide-and-seek of my life with my two-year-old pal. Here is a transcript:

Boo: We’ll play hide and seek.
Daddy: Ok. Do you want to hide or count?
Boo: I count. You hide.
Daniel. Great. Will you count to ten?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to twenty?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to seven and a half?
Boo: Noooo…
Daddy: Will you count to ten?
Boo: Yes!
Read more

Tiny Cave

The only graffiti in the men’s room of the artsy movie house I visited the other night: a hole in the plaster adorned with a warning and cave paintings.

Akane apparently likes to anoint her head with the crumbs of white cheddar soy crisps. About 2/3 of the way through the little clip, she elects to re-insert. It’s not as hysterically funny now as it was at 3am when it happened, but here it is:

An important safety tip that I’m sorry to be in a position to impart:

“If you happen to keep both sunscreen and toothpaste in your desk drawer, make sure they’re not in the same kind of container.”

Trust me on this one.